Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
— Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there’s still a sureness in you, where there’s a seamlessness in you, and where there is a confidence and tranquility in you.
— John O'Donohue

Couples Therapy - Getting Your Connection Back!



One of the most common issues couples struggle with is communication.



Partners say things like, "We either don't talk at all, or we're getting into pointless arguments."  "We used to talk for hours.  I don't know what happened." 

Couples long to have the kind of closeness they enjoyed early in their relationship, but hot button topics, repeated cycles of unresolved conflict, and widening distance can seem insurmountable.  Most couples are intuitively aware of a pattern underlying most of their conflicts.  They can predict the moves in a disagreement before the first sentence is uttered.  "I'll say 'this', my partner will say 'that,' then I'll say 'this,' next thing you know it's 3 hours later and nothing is better." 

When we're struggling in our most important relationship we're understandably stressed, anxious, and worried.  In search of stable ground, partners begin to enact their most reliable coping strategy for stress.  Often the favorite strategy of one partner is exactly opposed to the favorite coping strategy of the other partner.  After a while partners may find themselves polarizing into two opposing stances:

  • One partner retreating into silence
  • The other partner making increasingly insistent bids for further contact and discussion. 

Partners stuck in this dance forget that they are both fighting to stabilize themselves and the relationship.  They may be bewildered by the behavior of the other and begin to believe their partner just doesn't care. 

Photo by Rawpixel Ltd/iStock / Getty Images
Photo by Rawpixel Ltd/iStock / Getty Images

I practice Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT).  EFT is all about understanding and deconstructing these painful relationship cycles that chip away at a couples trust and closeness. 

EFT helps couples

  • See the cycles that create distance between partners
  • Understand the intentions behind each partner's stance
  • Heal painful interactions and important disconnections that continue to reverberate through the couples' relationship
  • Unite against the cycles that come between partners, creating more closeness, warmth, understanding, and resilience.

If you're tired of these painful relationship cycles coming between you and your favorite person give me a call.  I know seeking therapy can be intimidating.  I offer a free 20 minute consultation so you can get a feel for how I work.  Find out today if EFT can help you feel more connected.  (206) 658-3527


Science, Technology, Engineering & Math Workers You're welcome here.

Yes, I will still probably ask you how you feel, but if you don't always know... we can work with that. 

Lots of science and technology workers have had less than fantastic experiences in therapy.  It doesn't have to be a terrible experience.